When I stopped praying for my husband and started praying for my husband

I have had a crazy year at college. It's been filled with so much spiritual growth and I flippin' love it. LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. I never want to stop growing, but I found that college was a big catalyst for myself personally. I thought I had a good flow going while I was in high school but boy was I wrong... Speaking of boys/men/males let's talk about the real purpose of this post.

The school that I go to, Evangel University, has a big stigma around "ring-by-spring." (If you go to my school and are currently reading this you probably cringed. no shame, we Gucci) I can remember during our orientation week they literally talked about that with us. AS FRESHMAN. I'm not saying that's there's anything wrong with it, but there's something a little wrong with it.

For one reason or another, hearing this flipped a switch in me that made me boy crazy... okay you caught me, I was already a little boy crazy but this I guess amplified it. God didn't call me to a time of being boy crazy though, in fact, I was disobedient and decided I was going to try and find my future husband. Why not, right? I mean the ratio wasn't exactly in my favor, but HOT SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN. (can I get an amen?) I plunged into whatever I thought could happen. I tried to make myself more appealing. I saw people around me being scooped up by awesome Christian guys and yet here I was still single. Still very willing to mingle. It was then that I started to tear myself apart. Why wasn't I good enough? Why was no one interested in me? What made someone else more attractive to date? I was an ambitious girl who was very involved in her studies... was that intimidating to guys?

The answer to all of these questions was that I was good enough, God was just trying to remind me of the calling he had placed on my life at this time. The call was to be patient and to wait. He had called me to singleness. It wasn't until a couple nights of surrender during my individual devotional time and a conversation of revelation with one of my dear friends that I fully realized what I had been doing. I had been wrestling with God. She even told me she had noticed it that's how obvious it was. WHEN YOU FIGHT WITH GOD YOU ARE NOT GOING TO WIN.

Once I had let go trying to be in a relationship, I became a lot happier. A LOT happier. My friend, if God doesn't have it in your cards to be in a relationship, that's okay! There's nothing wrong with you, God just wants to develop you. Embrace that, bask in that, realize what he's doing and lean into where he's leading you. Needless to say, it was after I embraced this that I jumped leaps and bounds deeper into my spiritual journey. I was carefree and waist-deep in God's presence. It was wonderful. I didn't have this urge to be liked by guys. I didn't have this longing when I saw a happy couple to place myself in that scenario. None of it. Instead, I was focused on developing myself and pouring into those around me. I felt like I had a complete mindset change. I felt like I was actually living the life God had called me to live.

There's this amazing woman I follow on Instagram. Her name is Jordan Lee and she runs another account called Soul Scripts. She basically has this amazing heart for pouring into college-aged women. I'm a college-aged woman so I kept close tabs on all her posts. I felt particularly drawn to one post. This post spoke specifically to future relationships and girls searching for their future spouses.

To the right you'll see some snapshots of @soulscripts insta. She's seriously adorable give her a follow.

It was then that the Lord spoke to me and said, "stop praying for your future husband and start praying for your future husband." Yes, you read that correctly. Stop praying for your future husband and start praying for your future husband. I myself was semi-confused. At this point, I was done fighting God so I was like okay God, what does that look like. *picture that mocking Spongebob meme right about now*

Well, for me, that looked like taking a notebook and writing down prayers for my future spouse. No longer was I a slave to praying that my future husband would just stumble into me and boom, I would be in a relationship. No, when ever I was doing my devotional time and felt led I would open my little notebook and just start writing down prayers for my spouse. God, give him strength. God, give him wisdom. God, wherever he's at and whatever he's doing, give him guidance. Sometimes when I was having a hard day or a really great day I would open my little notebook and tell him, whoever he is, all about it. It gave me such joy and assurance that one day the perfect man God intended for me would be reading all that my little heart had poured out just for him. It also gave me this cool feeling that in some way I was helping God prepare my future spouse for me. I mean I'm typing and getting a little giddy just thinking about it. I'm a goober, I know.

So whoever you are reading this... you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never forget that. If you're discouraged be encouraged that you're not the only one in the situation you're in. There are others just like you. If you are lackluster, let me shine you up and tell you God has the perfect dude in mind for you. He just might not quite be ready for you or vis versa. There's nothing wrong with that and there's most certainly nothing wrong with you. One day your knight in shining armor will come riding along and when he does it will be the perfect fairytale romance God intended just for you.