Modesty vs. Self-Control

Initially I was a bit perturbed when starting this post. I wanted my opinion to be right and the other side to definitely be wrong, but that’s not always the case and sometimes there is a gray line. As I’ve talked to some of my peers and read articles my mind has become more open.

There’s a tweet that spurred this whole thought...

I was always raised you will cover yourself up and you will wear an appropriate length of short/skirt/dress— no exceptions. Today, I still believe that. With this new openness I’m not going to stop dressing modestly. I dress modestly for a couple reasons some have to do with my values and others have to do with the fact I don’t like showing my bootie cheeks hanging out of my shorts. It’s not cute… I don’t care who ya are.

What does the Bible say?

How can we digest this and live in a manner that is pleasing to God but still dress in a way that we enjoy and can express ourselves. This is a HARD topic in general and pretty controversial so please, do not, burn me at the stake if my opinion offends you or you don’t agree.

I’m going to start by throwing a couple verses of scripture out:

1 Timothy 2:9,10 (ESV) “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pears or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness— with good works.”

Romans 14:13-15 (ESV) “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hinderance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing in unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.”

Let’s start with 1 Timothy 2:9,10. This is what appears to be the perfect argument for “modest is hottest” and reading the verse at surface level would provide you with that liberty. Don’t get me wrong, Paul is telling people to dress modestly. His audience was a church that was very mixed in socioeconomic status. When Paul said dress modestly he meant if you got jewels don’t wear them just to rub them in someone else’s face. Y’all are here to worship the Lord not your own personal riches.

Now, if we cross the bridge into contemporary times… this passage still calls for modesty. Our mindset shifts just a little bit but the question remains what is the reason for wanting to dress the way you dress? Is it truly because you like the bootie shorts or are you trying to make a man look. Where is your heart at when you wear “revealing” clothing? What’s your goal? What are you communicating as a Christian by dressing like the world does? Are you communicating I can still worship God and dress like this? Or are you communicating that the Bible’s words hold no weight in your soul?

I heard a phrase “one’s appearance is an outward expression of inner heart.” Having a mind turned towards Jesus and turned towards worshipping Jesus would cause you to dress in a way that isn’t a distraction from Him, right? I’ve seen it couple times as people are saved and have a 180 degree change in heart, their outward appearance also begins to change. They seem happier and they dress more modestly. What they see changes. What they SEEK changes. Instead of seeking the worlds approval, they seek Gods approval. How we dress communicates an image. That’s why we dress the way we dress, so dress in a way that communicates purity in Jesus not conformity to the world. We are not supposed to conform to the pattern of this world. If a magazine says it’s cool, good for the magazine, but does the Bible? Everything we say, do, dress, act, should be held up against a Biblical standard and if it does not match it should not be in our lives. This is easier said than done I realize, but everyday is an opportunity to try and get it right.

I feel like that was rant, I really don’t want this to be a rant. Dang it. Okay moving on to Romans 14: 13-15. This got me gooooooood. I was like oh shoot, okay lawd, I see you. I’m about to paraphrase, but in a good way ( from an NIV version)… starting with verse 14: I am fully convinced that no article of clothing is bad in itself. But if anyone regards something as promiscuous, then for them it is. Verse 15: but if your brother is in distress because of what you wear, you are no longer acting in love. *mic drop* Do not by your dressing destroy your brother for whom christ died.

Jesus didn’t die so you could make your homie sin and kick him out of line to get into heaven. If that doesn’t convict you, even a little bit, come on.

Self-control is not off the hook. I think the two, modesty and self-control, go hand-in-hand. Galatians 5:22 lists all the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Self-control is the discipline of mastering your own desires, emotions, and passions. It requires a dependance on God to be able to overcome temptation and remain strong. When you see someone, THIS IS FOR BOYS AAAANNNND GIRLS, it’s not wrong to find them attractive. It’s human nature to have that thought… it’s when we lust or long for that person we are in the wrong. It’s when we dote on the "oh he or she is a babe” “oh my goodness, like, I would love to ______ with that person” it’s lust, it’s wrong, and no one, male or female, should do it.

I think men are always held less accountable because people tend to categorize them as simplistic beings. They are more readily visually stimulated so then the blame gets tossed on women to dress better. But not one of God’s creations are simplistic. We all have minds. We are all capable of thought. If the thought isn't good, cut it out. Y’all, Jesus knows what we are thinking. Just because we don’t say it doesn’t make it okay. If it’s inappropriate get it out.

Take-Aways:

• BOTH men and women are responsible in the modesty/self-control battle.

• When you dress yourself in the morning dress in a matter that’s a reflection of your faith, not of your world.

• It’s not what you wear it’s why you wear it.

• Make sure you eat the fruits of the spirit and don’t let them go bad.

I would love to hear what you have to say! Feel free to contact me through any of my social media pages linked around my blog :) As always, have an awesome day.