Mind lost at Sea

My mind is unfocused... going everywhere but where it needs to be. My mind's unfocused, it lacks the control or discipline to remain true to course. It lacks the direction to stay on track and on task. I let it wander. I don't care, although I should. I don't refocus and instead I sit.

I just sit and let my mind wander aimlessly around the abyss that is distraction and dysfunction. I let my mind wander to places I've not been but want to go– realistically and not so much. I sit and consider all the options that I have before me and none seem slightly plausible. I sit and consider what would happen if I followed through with even some of the options. I get so scared at the possibility of success that my mind writhes inside my head like a skittish horse. My heart flutters in my chest thinking that there's a chance at something my mind is already on top of shutting down.

How do you allow your heart to flutter, your mind to melt like butter and your words to escape in stutter? I can't form a cohesive thought let alone get my words to operate as if they aren't under the direction of a ship without a captain. Have confidence and just do it. A statement, one that is declarative in nature, sure its stature. Me, unsure and unstable lacking sure footing, not so declarative but positive I lack the confidence to steer my ship in the direction it needs to go– to make the move it needs to make in order for me to move forward. So I wait, unsure and unclear of the direction I need to go but sure that my mind will keep wandering until I get the nerve.